Love, Etc. by Julian Barnes

Author:Julian Barnes [Barnes, Julian]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Literary, Fiction
ISBN: 9780307426734
Google: EdYTzX3f5iMC
Amazon: B000XUAEBW
Publisher: Vintage
Published: 2007-12-17T16:00:00+00:00

12

WANTING

Stuart You don’t get things by not asking for them. You don’t get things by not wanting them, either.

That’s another difference. When I was younger, I got what I was given. That’s what life seemed to be about. And in the back of my mind I assumed that there was some system of justice up there. But there isn’t. Or if there is, it’s not for the likes of me. Or you, probably. If we only get what we are given, then we don’t get much, do we?

And it’s all about wanting, isn’t it? When I was younger there were lots of things I pretended to want, or assumed I wanted, simply because other people did. I’m not claiming to be older and wiser—well, only a bit—but nowadays I know what I want and I don’t waste time on what I don’t want.

And if you’re on your own, you don’t have to worry about someone else wanting something. Because that takes up a lot of time too.

Ellie Stuart is not a bowerbird. Sorry, it just makes me laugh when I say it.

I said to him, ‘Where are you going to hang it?’

He said, ‘Hang what?’

‘The picture?’

‘What picture?’

I looked at him, not really believing what I’d heard. ‘The one I brought back to you last week, the one you paid me in cash for.’

‘Ah. I don’t think I’m going to hang it.’ He could see I was expecting some sort of explanation, and finally he gave me one. ‘I’m not much of a bowerbird, as you’ve noticed. Would you like it?’

‘Me? No. It’s crap.’

‘That’s what you said Gill would say about it.’

‘Well, I spent about fifteen hours looking at it, so I’m agreeing with her.’ Stuart didn’t seem at all put out by this. ‘And what was the “particular reason” you wanted me to clean it?’ He didn’t answer at once, so I added, a bit sarcastically, ‘Mr Henderson.’

‘Ah, well, actually, so that I could meet you and ask you about Gillian and Oliver.’

‘No-one recommended me?’

‘No.’

‘If you wanted to know about Gillian and Oliver, why didn’t you ask them yourself? Seeing as you’re an old friend.’

‘It’s awkward. I wanted to know how they were. Really. Not how they said they were.’ He could see I wasn’t buying this for an explanation at all. ‘OK. Gill and I used to be married.’

‘Jesus.’ I lit a cigarette straight away. ‘Jesus.’

‘Yes. Do you mind if I have one?’

‘You don’t smoke.’

‘No, but I want one now.’ He lit a Silk Cut, took a puff and looked at it in a slightly disappointed way, as if it wasn’t any solution to the immediate problem.

‘Jesus,’ I repeated. ‘Why did it . . . you know, go wrong?’

‘Oliver.’

‘Jesus.’ I couldn’t think of anything to say. ‘Who knows?’

‘Them. Me. Obviously. Mme Wyatt. You. A few people I haven’t seen for years. My second wife. My second ex-wife. Not the girls. They don’t know yet.’

‘Jesus.’

He told me the story. He told it very straightforwardly, just the facts, as if he was reading from a newspaper.

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